John Hogan tried to cancel the holiday on which he threw his son to his death from a fourth floor balcony, his ex-wife claims. Natasha Hogan made the revelation during an interview about her life with the 33-year-old businessman who is being held in a psychiatric hospital indefinitely.
She said she had never seen placid husband John even shout until the night he threw Liam, six, from the hotel in Crete in August 2006.
The dad then leapt with Mia, two, in his arms after rowing with Ms Hogan over their unstable relationship. John Hogan was badly injured but Mia escaped with a broken arm.
He was cleared of murdering Liam and attempting to murder Mia last week when a court ruled he was mentally ill. He was sent to a psychiatric hospital to be held indefinitely after claiming he had no memory of the fateful night on August 15.
Ms Hogan told how she organised the holiday as one last attempt for her and John to get their marriage back on track but John had not been so keen.
He had started a new business and was too busy to take the holiday.
Ms Hogan said: "It was a make or break holiday. John had started a business in the January, a business I never wanted him to start to be honest. New businesses you hear all the time are very stressful in the first year and I just didn't think we needed it as a family but I was supportive of it.
"That year was really tough. John was working seven days a week and working away. I knew the stress in the house was just massive. We talked about our marriage problems before we went away and I said I'm willing to give it a chance.
"At times John wanted to cancel the holiday but I was like no, we need the holiday. It would be a good distraction from the stresses and strains at home."
The couple met when Natasha was 24 through mutual friends but the death of two of John's brothers soon took their toll on the marriage.
She said: "I was actually going out with one of his friends but his friend moved away. John asked me out and so it began.
"We enjoyed a very good social life. We did a lot of drinking and I would spend a lot of time with his football team. He was very social fun guy.
"During one of the first conversations I had with John he told me his dad was ill with multiple sclerosis and I think he found that quite difficult because his mum was caring for his dad."
Four months after his father's death Hogan's 17-year-old brother committed suicide by taking an overdose of pills.
She said: "John was very close to Steven. He took it really badly. Our relationship was quite rocky after that. I think John wanted to be in the pub a lot more. We'd become engaged but he wasn't really committed to that."
The couple split for about a year but got back together when another of John's brother's Paul took his own life by jumping off Clifton suspension bridge in Bristol in 2004.
She said: "We had a phone call late at night from a neighbour of his mother's to say the house was on fire and they'd seen John's brother go in the house earlier.
"His mother was in Ireland at the time and we couldn't locate Paul. The police were looking for him all night and then at 10 o'clock we were told they'd found him.
"After Paul died he was really rough for about a month but then he really picked himself up. I was really proud."
Ms Hogan said Hogan was an excellent dad.
She said: "He suffered from anxiety and panic attacks when I was pregnant with Liam. I think the fear of becoming a father was just immense.
"He thought he was too immature to do it but after Liam came along he blossomed as a father.
"He began to believe life was for living."
But a year before the holiday cracks began to appear in their relationship. She said: "Mum knew things were in trouble."
The family went on holiday and everything was going well until around 4pm on the third day.
She said: "We'd had three sort of normal days on holiday but on that day at about 4 o'clock in the afternoon he said 'do you think you'll go and stay at your mother's when we get back?'
"I'd discussed with him before we went that I'd like to go on holiday, have some thinking time, get away from the stress and put things into context but if that wasn't enough I may go to my mother's to think and leave the children with him.
"He just became very agitated and didn't want to be around me. He went off.
"Around 6 o'clock he came back and just started ranting and raving. He was shouting at me and getting really distressed.
"Because the children were there I would say John I'm not doing this now in front of the children. It's not fair.
"He went off again. I got the children ready and took them down for dinner. He joined us but didn't want to eat or drink anything.
"He said 'I can't be with you this evening. I'm going to do my own thing'. I knew he was distressed and needed the space so I didn't argue.
"I took the children to the bar and periodically over the next couple of hours he would leave and then come back. He'd be in this public bar area shouting 'I'm not leaving the house if we split, if you think you're going to live in the house with the children I'll burn it to the ground'.
"Liam was getting very upset because he'd never seen his father in this sort of mood.
"I quickly got off the phone and spent the next 20 minutes pacifying Liam. With that John stormed into the bar area saying we're going home.
"I followed him to reception where he was shouting at the receptionist. At this point I thought he just wants to go so I'll just agree with it and go."
Ms Hogan took John back to the hotel room to begin packing.
She said: "He started shouting and swearing at me. I looked at him and he just had a crazed look in his eye. I didn't know where that was leading but it was a look I'd never seen anyone have.
"I must have turned my back and I could hear him shouting around the room.
"When I turned around they were all gone. The room was empty and Liam's crying had turned to silence.
"All I could hear was a woman shouting oh my god down below. I couldn't look. I couldn't go to the balcony.
"We were a long way up and I thought they were going to be dead, all three of them.'
John, Liam and Mia were rushed to the accident and emergency unit of the local hospital. "I remember being in accident and emergency knowing they were trying to save Liam's life," she said. "I could see them running around with life saving equipment I recognised."
Doctors were unable to save Liam and he died as a result of his injuries.
Ms Hogan said: "I was very angry with John but I wanted to know his progress. Part of me wanted to know because I cared but part of me wanted to know because I hoped he'd died.
"They told me he was in and out of consciousness and I was thinking good. I hope that is it. It was very confusing."
While in custody awaiting trial John Hogan attempted suicide five times and has not seen daughter Mia since jumping from the balcony.
Ms Hogan said: "Life isn't worth living for John. Whatever the sentence would have been he'll have a life sentence in his mind. He'll never be able to live without his children.
"Whenever we talked about our problems it was what about the children. He couldn't comprehend a life as a part time father.
"I can feel some compassion. If it is right that his family history was bottled up inside and he broke I can accept that. I can't accept him taking my children with him."
Mia has no contact with her father but does see his family once a month.
Ms Hogan said: "I've done a lot of work with a psychologist to make her understand what happened. To save any more confusion I've had to cut that contact off completely with him.
"I'm very fearful of Mia having contact with John. None of us would ever have anticipated he would do this to the children so how can he be trusted not to do it again but I've always maintained as she gets older I will keep her informed of reasons why it could have happened. Then I have to fully support her in her wishes later on."
Ms Hogan now plans to move to Australia to start a new life with Mia and partner Richard.
She said: "It's very difficult being in this country. I've got too memories. At the moment Mia is cheated of her childhood. I can't do fun things that remind me of Liam.
"I went to Australia for a month last year and I just felt free."
Ms Hogan gave the interview on ITV's This Morning.
By Kim Gregory, Jan 28 2008 © Copyright 2008 - Showbiz Spy
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